Pirates of the Caribbean

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith?" -First guard
"Yeah, and no lies!!" -Second guard
"Alright then, I confess. It is my intention to comandeer one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pilage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer my weasley black guts out." -Captain Jack Sparrow
"Hey, I said no lies!"
"I think he's tellin' the truth..."
"If he were telling the truth, he wouldn' have told us."
"That is of course, if he told the truth and knew you wouldn't believe it even if he told you."
"???"