Putting off studying

It's approximately 2:23 AM and I'm supposed to be studying. Ok, so I WAS studying, but I'm taking a break. My brain is actually hurting. No, seriously. I just took some Advil.

I'm going to be honest here and say that this Intro to Counseling class is not what I thought it was going to be at all. I thought we'd be learning more about how to counsel and what it will be like once we're out in the field. But so far, I don't even have a clue what's going on in this class. I can't even tell you one thing I've learned so far. This may be due to the fact that I've been exhausted in almost every class I've attended and have literally been sitting on my chair for 45 minutes before I snap out of my zombie mode and realize I have not heard a single word the professor has said. That could be a reason, but it's still yet to be decided.

I think it's been harder for me because there isn't any set stuff to remember. It's a lot of reading straight out of the book, and of course, that's not going to happen. I've been required to read tons and tons of stuff since I've been in college, but I can't remember a time I actually did it. Obviously, this class is going to go just swimmingly. That said, I have a test in this counseling class in a few short hours, and I'm going to fail the thing. I can tell you that right now. It's not like trying to study the night before a test like other classes. There aren't any names, or dates, or lists, or theories, or anything else like that to briefly memorize, then regurgitate back out on paper for the test. This is going to require actual reading and actual COMPRHENSION of said reading. Thank goodness I filled my prescription for my ADD today. Too bad it's too little, too late.

It's three chapters of information. Normally, I would not be sweating this AT ALL. It's psychology for Pete's sake. It's easy. I wouldn't be majoring in it if it wasn't (that's not entirely true, but just let me rant for now). But as I have previously mentioned multiple times, it's reading. And this ain't your typical run-of-the-mill crap that you can skim and get by with. This is 80 pages of deep, intellectual thought that requires focus and comprehension, both of which I lack. Jeez, I lack those things on a good day, much less when I'm tired and barely eeking by at 2:30 in the morning. I knew I should've bought another Red Bull this morning.

And let's forget the studying for a moment. I have a take home assignment for our test tomorrow that's sitting on top of that wretched, highlighted book. I'm going to attempt to finish that first, so there's a good chance I won't even get around to studying at all. Not that it would make much difference, but I always feel slightly better if I at least get to glance over the pages. As previously stated, even a take home assignment wouldn't be that bad. Shoot, you get to use the book and everything. Piece of cake, right?

Wrong.

I've been doing the chapter discussion questions and homework at the end of these three chapters (also required for tomorrow) for the past 8 hours--legit, it's taken me that long with all of my bunny trails and mental wanderings--and my mind is so tired. I like intellectually stimulating questions, I really do. But not 15 of them. And not ones that ask me what figures from history have been inspirational to me and how they've influenced my development...or to describe a piece of research that I find meaningful and relevant to my life, and what it is about that study that I most appreciate. WHERE DO YOU EVEN START?! I had to read that freakin question three times just to figure out what in the crap it was asking me. My brain exhausts easily, apparently. Even some of the easier questions like, "Describe in detail a typical day working your ideal job" require so much thought from me. Maybe it's because I like to be thorough. I'm not even sure right now. I'm rambling. It's 2:45 in the morning. I'm allowed to not make sense.

I like answering questions where I have an opinion already established about it, or I have a previous experience that I can remember and pull into context when answering it. These questions aren't like that. They're about things that have never even crossed my little pea brain. I guess that's why I hate them so much. It's stuff I've never thought about before, so I have no previous information to go off of and I'm basically forming my own opinion from what little I know--and as I said earlier, it ain't much at all. I really need to start paying attention in class.

Oh, last little complaint about this test tomorrow...I don't even have a book for it. Ok, I have a book, but it's the previous edition (this is how Union makes all it's money...updating books every semester and charging an arm and a leg for the new one, even though the old edition is EXACTLY the same, except for pictures) and my professor told me I could use it, but to check with other classmates about the homework questions, to make sure they were the same. Isn't that the whole point of the book? If you have your own, you don't have to check with other classmates. The homework questions are the only reason I bought the book in the first place because I certainly didn't plan on reading anything out of it. Oh well. I suppose there's a first time for everything.

I don't expect sympathy at this point. It is the night before, and you can say, "Well Rachel, you had all week to study for this and do your homework and blah, blah, blah", but the truth is, I really haven't had time. I'm in class from 8 to 3 on Tuesdays, class at 8 on Wednesday then work from 10:30 until 4, class from 8 to 3 again on Thursdays but then working Thursday night from 4 until 11:30 or so, work on Friday from 4 until 12:30, same thing on Saturday, and then work on Sunday from 10:30 to 4 (or like last Sunday, 6, which sucked). I only have off on Monday and Tuesday, and when I'm not in class or working, I'm desperately trying to catch up on sleep, to no avail. So, yes, I take it back. I expect a little bit of sympathy. Not much. But c'mon...17 hours of school and 32 hours of work a week...you can spare a wee bit of sympathy. Plus, I'm anemic. That makes me more tired. So more pity!

I need sleep. But more importantly, I need to study, so I guess I should get back to it. Wish me luck, because I'm most definitely going to need it. In honor of my roommate, it looks like I may be "winging it" tomorrow. Hooray.

-Fingernail out