All That I'm After

I've had this note nagging the back of my brain for a LONG time, but I didn't quite have enough material to make sense, I felt. Now I think I do.

I was listening to the radio today and I heard Chris Daughtry's "Life After You" play. I love that song. I absolutely love it. The first part of the chorus goes a little something like this...

"All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you..."
I wish I could fully express how passionately I agree with that statement. That's all I want. If I spend the rest of my days surrounded by my wonderful friends and incredible family, laughing, I'll be happy. I don't need fancy clothes, a big house, shiny cars, or some special reputation. I just want to laugh. I just want to love.

Typing this even now, I feel so full...so content, I suppose. I love my life. Sure, there are times that I get upset, and hurt, and angry. There are times when life is not fun or fair, when it knocks you down and kicks dirt in your face...but having those friends and family by my side to pick me up and keep me laughing helps me keep going.

For some reason, I've really been reminded this week of how short life is, and how to not take any of it for granted. After Erin died, I've done my best to live life to the fullest, to find joy in the small things. I want to live my life with no regrets. I don't want to look back and wish I had done this or that...I want to do everything--to live every day like it's my last, because let's be honest, tomorrow could be my last. I was reminded of that just today, as I heard about someone who was fine just last week, then came down with something and within a day has only a slim chance of living. Life is fragile. I don't want to live my life always being mad at someone, or sulking because I didn't get my way, or holding back because I'm scared. Life is too short to live like that.

I got to play soccer tonight for the first time in a long time. I could feel the excitement building up inside of me as I laced up my cleats and headed out to the field with my second family--all my soccer girls. As I ran around in the cold air, chasing that silly leather cased sphere, my lungs burning and my legs going numb, I felt a smile cross my face. I was so happy out there. I find so much joy in the small things. I love looking at the stars, laying in fresh cut green grass, even just taking a drive on a warm sunny day with the windows down for no reason at all. Isn't that what life should be about? Enjoying everything, right down to watching Disney movies with your best friend, eating popsicles, laughing and talking when you both know you should be sleeping.

I want to keep living a full life, even after it smacks me in the face with reality. Bad things happen. You get hurt and it sucks. But I don't want those things to hold me back, and I definitely don't want to wallow in my sorrow, or have "coulda shoulda woulda" constantly playing through my mind. It's not easy to move on, especially when you've been hurt or you're scared, but I don't want to get stagnant and stop enjoying all the little things in life because I'm too focused on the bad. When you focus so much on those things, you forget how much happiness you can find in things, like laughing with your friends for no reason at all.

I don't know. Maybe this doesn't make any sense at all. But it does to me. You only live once. Shouldn't you live it the best you can?

"So I'm running back to tell you
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter
Without you, God knows what I'd do
All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you..."