Fair

I'm just going to throw this out here before I get started, so don't say I didn't warn you. This is ramblings. This is questionings and thoughts thrown out on a page. This isn't inspirational, and there isn't going to be a challenge or a life lesson at the end. This is just me thinking tonight.

Life isn't fair. I hate that. I hate that life is cruel. I hate that good people get hurt. I hate watching people I love hurt. I hate not being able to help people who are hurting. I hate not being able to fix things.

It's not fair.

Going to funerals for friends who had their lives cut short. Being rejected. Always giving and never receiving in return. Hurting people we love. Being hurt by people we love. Trusting and getting betrayed. None of it's fair.

I would know. I've experienced all those things listed above. I'm not trying to whine or complain, because I know there are people out there that have experienced worse things than I have, but like I said, this is not an inspirational note. This is just me being open and honest. I don't think it's fair, and I know we live in a fallen and unfair world, but it just makes my heart hurt so much. I guess it's the part of me that likes to fix things and wants everyone to be ok, but I have just been so mindful of it this week.

I really don't know what else to say. I'm so full of...sorrow, I guess is the correct feeling. I really can't even begin to describe it. I'm hurting for other people because they're hurting. I'm remembering how it felt to be there, and I'm hurting remembering. It's just an odd feeling, and I've been dwelling on it a lot lately. I've noticed that death brings it back a lot. I don't even have to know the person, but it brings back all that pain from Erin and I remember how much it hurt, and I know people are experiencing that now, and I hurt for them. That's where it started, and it just continues to grow. I've watched several friends cry this week, and I just had to sit there, completely helpless and unable to fix their pain, and I hate it.

I hate that life's not fair. I just do.