Having a slice of humble pie

What an interesting semester this has been. Not exactly the senior year I had envisioned, but it'll keep for now, I suppose. There have been so many changes, so many ups and downs, so much drama and yet so many laughs...it's just been a different year. Interesting is probably the best word for it.

As always, I tend to think about things that I'm learning, or feel like I should be learning. I think most people are aware that this is the first year at school that I've not had a car. Even after the tornado, I only went about a month without a car before I got a new one. However, this year I've had to solely rely on my trusty ghetto bike--complete with cut brakes, a rusty chain, and flat tires now--and my friends from whom I bum rides. I hate that. I hate asking for favors. I hate asking for rides. I know most people don't mind, but I mind. It's just that independent streak in me, I suppose. I love being self-sufficient, and when I can't be, it drives me nuts.

On top of all that, I got a new job here in town waitressing. Mind you, this is my first time working in a restaurant. I've been working at the same animal clinic for the past 5 years, doing the same thing every day (shoveling dog crap...I mean, let's be honest, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to be able to do that), so this whole waitressing business is all new to me. When I first started, I didn't have a clue about what I was doing. Sometimes I feel like I still don't. And that's where all this humble pie is coming from. I've had to swallow my pride lately and ask for help. I ask for help at work ALL THE TIME. Most of the time, it's because I just want to be sure of myself, but I've found myself asking for help because I honestly can't do it by myself.

I HATE IT.

I hate asking for help, more than I hate asking for favors (and rides). I thrive on being able to do things on my own, without needing assistance in any way. Before this job, I've never really needed help with much. I rarely needed help in school, and I hardly ever needed help with soccer or my job at the clinic either...and if I did, I never asked. I'd just hunker down and try to figure it out myself first, which often ended up in an epic fail, but I'm stubborn and hard-headed, so I failed a lot before I figured things out. But that's always worked for me. Not anymore.

I'm eating a whole lot of humble pie now. I'm no longer self-sufficient in any way. I can't even get to work without asking for help (though I've contemplated riding my little bike all the way there lol), and then when I get to work, I continue to have to rely on others to get by. It's totally new to me. I can't just get up and go to the store when I need something, or McDonald's when I'm hungry, or even just to drive around and clear my head...I have to ask someone to take me there. I can't just do my job without any help like I could at the clinic. I'm used to people asking ME for help at my job, not the other way around. It's an interesting and different concept. It's a challenging one for me too.

That said, I think it's good for me. I've always tried to be a fairly humble person--at least on the outside--but I'll admit that I've had my 'confident' attitude for quite some time. I suppose learning to be a little less independent isn't really the end of the world. After all, I don't think anyone has ever died from being knocked down a few notches. If anything, people get in more trouble from being too prideful...just like what would probably happen to me if I attempted to ride my bike to work. :) But hey, it'd be entertaining! So...humble pie...you haven't left a bitter taste in my mouth just yet. It's nice to have met you.

Catching up

I feel like that's all I'm ever trying to do. I'm constantly battling time to stay ahead of the game, but it never works. I always seem to be just a few steps behind. No matter what the situation is--school, work, relationships--I'm just missing it by a few beats. It's so frustrating. I wonder if I'll ever get it right?




-Fingernail out

Slip sliding away

I'd like to know who decides when we have class. I woke up this morning to an earthquake shaking my bed. I swore my bed was collapsing around me. However, as the cobwebs shook out of my head a little, I realized it was only my phone vibrating on my bed post. I got a text from school--a usual thing when there's questionable weather--and instantly began a silent celebration inside my head, convinced they were going to say class was cancelled. My hopes were dashed as soon as I groggily began to read it. Classes weren't cancelled, but instead had been pushed back an hour. Ok, so I got an extra hour of sleep, but still, I wanted class to be out. I only have one class on MW and it's at 8 in the morning, so it's not even worth getting up for half the time. Irrelevant to the main story, but I thought I'd throw it out there. Anyway...so, my roommate and I began the trek to class this morning. We thought the sidewalk was nothing but a thin layer of snow. My dummy roommate decides to get a running start and slides down the sidewalk...farther than she intends. With the frantic arm waving, she managed to stay on her feet, but just barely. Lesson observed, I start walking more carefully, but that didn't even help. I almost ate it 3 times on the way to class. The walk that normally takes me less than 5 minutes took me almost ten this morning because I had to walk so freaking slow. I watched as other students were doing the same thing, though some weren't as lucky at keeping their balance. This was by far the slickest day ever, but we still had class. I was not happy at all, but it is what it is. My school day is now over, so now I can go back to sleep for as long as I want. Hooray. :)
-Fingernail out

FML

I've come to the conclusion that I hate relationships. I hate everything about them. I hate the fact that you can be led on for months without knowing for sure what's actually going on. I hate that you trust someone with your feelings and your emotions only to have them trample upon them like they were nothing. I hate being used, but more than that, I hate being played. There's nothing worse than that. Ok, I take it back. There's nothing worse than being played by someone who also claims to be your friend.

That's another thing. I hate getting involved with people who are my friends, because that just makes things so much harder. You can have an awesome friendship from the get-go, and then when you get your emotions into it and things go wrong, often times the friendship is ruined. I HATE that. It sucks. And yet, I find myself consistently getting into the same situation over and over. You'd think I'd learn.

I always have been a slow learner.


-Fingernail out

Ramblings

Eh, so not much has been going on in my life lately. I go to one class on Monday and Wednesday, then I'm done for the day. I just got a new job here in Jackson, so I'm usually working MWF as soon as I'm out of class. Tuesday and Thursday I've decided are the days I'm going to hate for the rest of the semester. I have class from 8 in the morning until 3 in the afternoon without a break--not even for lunch. That should be interesting. It'll probably end up being my diet plan.

Work has been good. It's my first time working in a restaurant, but so far, I've really liked it. It's intense though. I never really realized how much goes on being a waitress. You'd think it wouldn't be that hard, but you'd most definitely be wrong. There's a lot that goes on behind the scenes that I've never knew about. I love it though. After this week, I'll be through with my training and on to working on my own. That will be exciting, and I'll finally be making some money off of tips. Even though I've had to learn so much, I love it. I love the people I work with too. I'm so easily amused that they all make me laugh, and I'll have a good time anywhere as long as I'm laughing.

I've decided though that I absolutely hate being sick. I used to brag on my excellent immune system, because I could be around people hacking up their lungs or drink after people like that and never get sick. Not anymore. I've been sick for the past week with this nasty, nasal-y, congestion shite that I haven't been able to kick yet. It sucks, especially at work because my ears are all stuffed up too, so everything customers say to me sounds muffled. I hate asking people to repeat themselves, but when you feel like you've got two pillows attached to the side of your head, sometimes that's what it takes.

I feel like if this freakin snow would just melt already, I'd probably get better faster. This white crap has been hanging around since I got to school two weeks ago. Normally, I love snow. We don't get it much here, so when we do, it's a big deal. But now that it's been around forever, I'm more than ready to see it go. It's awesome when it cancels school, but unfortunately, it's still on the ground and we're still going to class. I'm ready for another Snowmaggedon like last year, when the snow was halfway up our shins. That was legit, and we got out of class for a few days. Oh the adventures we had last year...nothing like hiking in a blizzard! :) Alright, that's enough rambling for one day, I suppose. I need to go work out and get this lard of a body in shape for Spring Break!

-Fingernail out

Eek. It's been a minute.

Alrighty, so it's been a little while, eh? Oh, you know, not much as happened in the past 2 and a half years. Riiiiggghhhttt.

Since re-capping almost 3 years of insanity would be somewhat exhaustive, I'll just do you all a favor and cut to the chase. Let's see where we are now. I'm a senior now at the Onion, about to graduate with my degree in Psychology. Interestingly enough, I may or may not go to graduate school to become a counselor, but rather, I have decided to become a firefighter. When I graduate in May, I'll start a program to get my EMT license. And from there, we'll see where it takes me.

As of right now, I'm just trying to survive this last semester. There have been so many pros and cons to going to this school, but whatever. It's almost over and I'm glad, though I'll hate to leave some of my friends who have become my second family.

Ok, wow, this is probably the most boring update ever, but it's all I've got right now. More to come, I promise.

-Fingernail out